Traditions! How do you cope with change?

How do you cope with change? Christmas is a season chock-full of family traditions, and the time leading up to it is often when we take our traditions out of the drawer, shine the light of the present day on them and see how they stack up for the season upon us.

My grandmother passed away in 2012, a fortnight shy of her 100^th birthday. I was blessed to have shared all of my 48 Christmases to date with her up until then, the majority incorporating Christmas lunches spent with family seated around her dining room table. The table had been bought at some time very early in my grandparents’ 51 year marriage, a masterpiece of intricate carving with a set of high backed seats that kept your posture healthy whether you liked it or not. As a child I always remember its glass top adorned with vases of flowers cut from my grandmother’s garden, and at Christmas time that meant gardenias and Christmas bush gifted from our neighbour.

I would be lying however, if I said that Christmas was a time without tension, and in that sense, our family is probably not unlike many others out there.

My husband Cam and I have been married for 26 years. On every single one of the Christmas days we’ve shared together, we’ve headed to his mother and stepfather’s for tea, sharing the remains of Christmas Day with both them and his siblings. Over the years, those Christmas days have grown to include the next generation - our two children first, followed by seven cousins. Time has marched on and the boyfriends and girlfriends of the children are now appearing, and it won’t be long before that translates into a new generation of husbands and wives. The one thing that has remained constant throughout the years however, is that my in-laws have hosted us, loved on us and been the safe place for all of us to flop after the various emotional rigors of Christmas Day.

This year however, is different.

Mum has decided to call it quits to the hosting role. I admire her for putting her hand up to let us all know it’s now beyond her, after a particularly trying and exhausting few years. She has passed the baton to my sister-in-law, the only one among us with a house big enough to host everyone, and whilst Mum and my stepfather will still be there, it won’t be the same.

That’s the way of it with traditions. When circumstances arise that mean a tradition can no longer be observed in its usual form, a choice has to be made to accept that and move on, or be stuck miserably in the past, lost in regret.

I’d love to say I’m a gun at embracing change, but that would be a lie. My son has been overseas for four Christmases out of the last five, and we've missed him greatly. This year he is home with his British sweetheart in tow, excited to share with her the Christmas night family gatherings he has missed. He must now embrace an updated version at a new venue, just as we must embrace that his delightful girlfriend joining our family now means Christmases split between countries. My daughter, an avowed critic of change took news of the Christmas update slightly better and asked if Grandma’s Christmas baubles could be put on her aunt’s tree for Christmas Day – baubles that have hung on Grandma’s tree every Christmas since the baby photos that adorn each one were first taken. Yet the irony is that with the ongoing march of change, we won’t see her on Christmas Day anyway. She will be away camping, celebrating Christmas with her partner’s family. Time moves on and new realities emerge. Cam has suggested we aim for some new traditions, and I’m open to see what that might bring.

I’ve mentioned in earlier posts how I love words, and that beautiful table belonging to a lifetime with my grandmother presented a great opportunity for me to display the many examples of words I have collected over the years ...

words that inspire me 

words to encourage me 

words to give me comfort 

and words to just make me laugh out loud. 

Grandma was a great one for teaching me to count my blessings. It’s something that I’ve always found comfort in, and it was really no surprise to find God using it at times since I became a Christian, as a way to encourage me out of a funk and back into positive territory (perhaps when a tradition is changing or ending?) 😉 To see the table now still reminds me of Christmases past, and family, but reading the words on it gives me new reason to ponder and smile.

So, I’m choosing to be thankful for the memories that traditions provide. This Christmas, no matter where we all are or how we celebrate it, I will relish the opportunity to savor old memories whilst creating some new ones to treasure.

What traditions do you hold dear? How do you feel about change? Are you prepared to create new traditions? 

There couldn’t be a better song for this post than Tradition from the 1971 motion picture version of the 1964 stage musical Fiddler on the Roof. This song sets the scene for the world into which the audience will travel when the opening titles take over - a world where tradition holds everyone together.

Tracey 🏡

With thanks to the YouTube channel of guru006  for Fiddler on the Roof - Tradition (with subtitles)