More than we can chew?

To embark on the project that we have in creating the garden at Bountiful has been both exciting and nerve wracking. It’s exciting in the dreaming phase, where a wonderful designer comes alongside you to try and put on paper something you would love. It’s exciting when planting begins, when Digger cuts through swathes of ground for planting hedges or managing big holes with ease so we can plant trees. It’s exciting when the weather warms up, and our stick-like saplings all burst into various shades of green or burgundy, depending on the plant.

But with the excitement, comes the anxiety.

First of course is the drought. It’s hard to avoid when the surrounding country is turning various shades of brown and dead. Our altitude does give us some respite, giving us a little extra rainfall that the surrounding townships don’t seem to receive. The snowfalls helped with our dam levels, and we’re told it’s good for the ground as the snow melts slowly, giving the soil time to absorb the moisture.

We’ve kept up regular visits during this winter and spring as the trees had only just been planted and we needed to ensure they were receiving adequate water to get established. Hubby has rigged up a watering system involving a tank on the back of our box trailer, complete with battery driven pump, giving him the ability to take water to the trees. With the drought conditions prevailing, the impact of that was we were visiting almost weekly to keep everything alive, and summer hadn’t even begun.

Hubby also put together a drip watering system for our 170 hedging plants, timed to drip its goodness to them a couple of times a week. This has worked a treat, but the water had to come from our dam, and with diminishing water levels, we've had to cut back on how often the watering happens. This flies in the face of summer with its increased heat and little rain on the horizon, and the plants are dying in front of us. Right now, our dam has dropped a foot from our last visit, just from evaporation alone.

Have we bitten off more than we can chew?

Mu husband works very hard. His job entails physical work in all weathers, looking after the buildings and grounds of a 55 acre heritage property. I didn’t want him to come to Bountiful only to work hard again on what were supposed to be his days off. I asked him if he regretted our purchase. He assures me he doesn't.

Another factor that is having an impact is that I’m having trouble with my hands.

I haven’t wanted to give it a name, because I feel as though every time I mention it, it’s like I’m cursing myself or owning it, and I don’t want a bar of it. I’m not in denial, I know it’s there, but I just don’t want to give it more space in my life than I have to. But when I struggle with simple tasks such as pulling grass and weeds out of the ground because my hands lack power and it hurts too much, then I’ve had to give in.

The name of the nasty is arthritis. I’ve had these bony lumps in my fingers for more than twenty years, and in the colder months, they would occasionally be painful and I’d need to wear gloves at night to keep them warm which seemed to help with the pain. This year however, the pain simply ramped up, and instead of being spasmodic, it has become constant and strong. Things I could once do, like clicking my fingers, are now beyond me. To make a fist causes pain and the middle fingers on both hands will no longer sit comfortably next to their neighbours and if I try to force them to, the pain is no fun. Pulling out stubborn grass is now beyond me, and plays right into my concerns about overloading hubby with additional work. What it is showing us is that whatever we plant or build, we will have to be thinking about our physical limitations going forward. It’s a bit confronting that we have to put thought into that a bit earlier than I expected. I have some x-rays coming up next week to see why the meds aren't being as effective as hoped and whether I'm dealing with more than one type of arthritis.  

Have we bitten off more than we can chew?

Last night we went to a briefing by the Rural Fire Service brigade closest to Bountiful, because our area is impacted by a bushfire known as the Green Wattle Creek fire. 

This is a bushfire season unlike any I have ever experienced, something echoed by the many experienced firefighters at the briefing. This particular fire is burning within four separate council areas - Wollondilly, Wingecaribee, Upper Lachlan and Oberon. This in itself is enormous, yet this fire isn't the largest one currently burning within New South Wales. If you looked at my usually beautiful view from my front verandah, you could be forgiven for thinking we are being fogged in with the visibility being so reduced - but then you smell the unmistakable smell of the Australian summer - bushfire smoke. 

As a Christian, my life with God is a journey of faith. He knew about the drought. He knew about my hands. He knew about the fires. He knows about our jobs, our car problems, our budget challenges, our anxieties and the desires of our hearts.

God can fix any problem, but it doesn't usually happen on my timetable - and that’s where the anxiety can creep in.

Did He take us out on an enormous limb and lead us to Bountiful, just to let us fall? Does He chuckle at my frustrated tears when my hands hurt too much to be any use on the land He’s brought us to? Or when my pride stops me from asking for help when my husband would gladly give it to me? Or when I feel more than a degree of trepidation at the ever-present smoke? 

He is a loving God, and none of those things equate to love.

I don’t believe He sets us up to fail. But He never misses a teaching opportunity either. There will always be something in my character that needs sharpening when things get tough – whether it’s fear of lack, anxiety over the future, worrying over the things I can’t control, or my stubborn pride and independence. That list is still uncomfortably long. 

So have we bitten off more than we can chew?

We’ve bitten off what He led us to. In that, I have to make a choice to trust that He’ll show us the best way to chew – and swallow!

A song for this post - I'm at sixes and sevens right now, in need of Peace in the Storm. This is one of my favourite songs from the beautiful Watoto Children's Choir. I hope it blesses you too. 

Tracey  💧 praying for rain and so thankful for the Rural Fire Service. You guys rock xo

With thanks to the YouTube channel of Naty Britto for Coral Watoto Childrens Choir - Emirembe, Peace in the Storm